I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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