I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You pole danced in your parka.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I want a musical about memes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
