Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We got so high we made milksteak
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
