so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dicks are not precious.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
