ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
