I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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