Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
