This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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