just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
