Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
