Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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