she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
