My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
