You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
