im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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