Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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