This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's official drugs can't kill me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
