I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
