it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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