I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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