Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
