I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love you. Go after that dick
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
