I think my fart just growled at me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
