I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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