I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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