U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
