Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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