there's paper in my vomit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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