no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Green mimosas i think yes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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