you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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