Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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