I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
