It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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