So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
