if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
