first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
