I didn't shave. On purpose
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
