What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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