he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let's paint friendship bongs
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
