was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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