I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
