everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
