i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
