This is not my ceiling
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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