This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
