do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
