I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
