My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
