Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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