So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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