Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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