We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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