is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
