There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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